BABY 2.O
Well one upside to (another) province-wide lockdown was that it certainly made it easier to hide this news, especially since I feel like this bump is coming in hot! I think that’s a general rule of thumb for second pregnancies, but it still feels a little out of nowhere! Back in March I was three days late and fully expecting only a single line to appear on that pregnancy test. With Lou it took us just under a year to conceive, and I was five days late when her two fuzzy lines appeared. This was only my first ovulation since we talked about starting the process of growing our little family, and when I saw those two fuzzy lines I completely froze. I was in total and complete shock! Lou took her time and with a very realistic mindset around fertility and pregnancy, I entered into the process of baby number two like I was in it for the long haul.
Grateful is definitely the first thought that comes to mind, how could we have gotten this lucky? Then there are so many fears that instantly come with that feeling. Maybe it won’t last? Maybe it’s a fluke? Nobody is this lucky! But with each unexplainably exhausting day, each wave of nausea and each and every other signal my body was giving me... it really sunk in.
I spent the first week crying myself to sleep with an overwhelming mom guilt. Chris would ask if I was ok and I’d just sob “But what about Lou?!” completely paralyzed at the thought of anything taking me away from her. The poor guy, all he could say was “I thought we wanted this?” And he’s completely right, we did want this! It all just happened so much faster than I was expecting that I didn’t have time to adjust to the thought of sharing myself with another baby. I still won’t even let people call her a “Big Sister” ahhhhhh but that’s my baby!
Everyone says the classic “I know you probably can’t imagine loving another baby the way you love your first...” but that wasn’t it for me. I know the consuming love I felt carrying my child in me, feeling them flourish and looking into their eyes for the first time. I have no doubt that this baby will grow my heart beyond what I can imagine. I just struggled with the thought of sharing myself. Lou is our world, our number one priority and everything else is second. Now there’s a tie and it was just such a paradigm shift in my heart. Hello hormones!
In the end, the biggest reason we wanted another baby was for Lou. My siblings are the greatest friends I have and we want to give that to Lou. We want kids to pile in our bed on Saturday mornings and a mob mentality on Christmas Day. We want family vacations and to see them play together. So... here we go again!
I absolutely love being pregnant even if my pregnancies don’t like to take it easy on me. Chasing around a toddler while feeling like your first trimester body is encased in cement is definitely a challenge. The other day I peed my pants from heaving so hard while throwing up, and later that day I passed out while a doctor was taking a blood sample. Needles to say, it ain’t glamorous! But I truly wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m a bit of an anomaly. I love watching my body change, I’m fascinated by what it can do (while I feel like I barely have enough energy to put on socks). I’m so ready for another summer of rocking a bump in a bikini! I can’t wait to feel the little kicks and watch my belly jiggle when baby has hiccups. I’m so excited to watch Chris be a father of two (swooooon), he’s such an incredible man and filling his life with love is my greatest joy. This is going to be a totally different experience from last time, with the pandemic still lingering, but (in so many ways) it really feels like there’s a bright light at the end of the tunnel.
This chapter of our lives feels like the moments just before the drop on the big rollercoaster; the whirlwind that is a family of four. Soaking in this Mother’s Day, feeling so grateful, so happy, and so ready for what’s to come!
