LETTER TO MY LOU
It was just over fourteen hours, the sun had already come up and gone back to bed. Bon Iver was the soundtrack. Your Daddy was holding my hand, and I just kept pushing and breathing for you. At one point the nurse asked if I wanted to reach down and touch you, but I couldn’t. I’d come too far and I didn’t just want to touch you. With all my heart, I wanted all of you.
You were born with a halo of hair. You love pears and peas. You flap your arms like a little bird when you get excited. You used to listen to piano to fall asleep in your bassinet. You’ve never liked getting dressed, especially when we have to change your undershirt. You slept next to us for seven months, were happily swaddled for eight, and nursed for nine. You first smiled for me, and you first laughed for Daddy. You said “Mama” on Mother’s Day. You only like water to drink. You love The Little Mermaid so much that I used to have to sing Part Of Your World to soothe you. You love bath time with Daddy. You smell amazing, especially in the morning. You have Mommy’s eyes and Daddy’s eyelashes. You are pure sunshine, always happy and everyone says so. You are absolutely everything to us.
I’ve tried my best to never take a moment for granted. I cry at every milestone, no matter how small. When your umbilical cord fell off, when you grew out of your first sleeper. From the day I found out you were real, time has gone by too quick. I remember laying beside you in our little hospital room, staring at you when I was supposed to be sleeping. You were complete magic, your cheeks were so soft they didn’t feel real. You came from pure love and I’m constantly in awe of you. Becoming a mother is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m in love with every part of it. It’s all going too fast, and I’d give anything to slow time down. One year ago you were placed on my heart and our whole world changed.
I used to tell you a story at night, even though you were far too little understand. It’s the story of how we met and it went like this…
“ Holding you now, I know that I love you. The first time I wrapped you in a blanket so tight, I knew I loved you. The first time I held your soft hand, I knew I loved you. The first time I heard a little sound come from your tiny mouth, I knew I loved you. The first time I looked into your beautiful eyes, I knew I loved you. When the doctor laid you on my chest and everyone shouted “It’s a girl!” I knew I loved you. That day in the backyard when I felt a flutter in my tummy, I knew I loved you. At the doctor’s office when we got to hear your heartbeat, I knew I loved you. On a snowy day in January, I saw a fuzzy line and I knew I loved you. See my Lou? I’ve always loved you! ”
Happy first birthday, my beautiful baby Lou. With my whole heart from the very first second, I’ve loved you and I always will.
