ONE MORE CHRISTMAS
I just knew I was going to need it. It’s no secret that my heart’s not ready to go back to work, and I don’t know if it ever really will be. I’d been scheduled to go back in November, but I knew I’d always regret not taking the opportunity to have one more Christmas at home. Being a mother is the greatest thing I’ve ever done, it’s all I ever want to do. I live each day so aware, almost to a fault, that these are the best days of my life. We’re living in the good old days, the years are quick and time is a thief. Last Christmas was so many things. I loved so much about it; was Andie’s first Christmas, our first one in this house, Lou was at the perfect age to finally get it, we were a new family of four. But there was also heartbreak and grief. It was a lot of things, and I wanted one more. One more Christmas before I go back to work, life gets busier and time moves even faster. One more Christmas, where I just had to be Mama.
It’s been magic. We’ve baked, and played in the snow. Sang carol songs, danced in the living room and watched movies on repeat. We’ve spent entire days in plaid pyjamas. We’ve hosted and visited, we’ve delivered candy canes and homemade bread. We have jingle bells tied on our wagon and go out for walks after dinner when it’s dark, to see all the lights. The nightstands have stacks of Christmas books on them, our colouring pages are filled with reds and greens, and there are soft fairy lights in every room. The house is filled with the smell of oranges and cloves simmering on the stove, and our chunky knitted socks are all too big for our feet. No distractions, just us and Christmas.
It’s been so good for my soul.
I wish it never had to end, but I know the days are moving fast. There’s barely any chocolates left in the calendars. It’s unforgivably cliché, but this has been the greatest gift I could have ever received. It’s also the greatest thing I could ever give my children; my time. This season was entirely dedicated to us and it will forever be one of my fondest memories. I know one day, when Chris and I are old and grey, we’ll love to think back to it all.
Hold your people closely, tell them how you feel and how much you love them. Give them as much time as you possibly can, and never take for granted how much joy exists in life’s simplest moments.
Merry Christmas, all good days ahead.
