THROW ME A QUARANTINE BONE
I consider myself a relatively positive person. I’m generally open and optimistic when it comes to navigating unfamiliar territory. I make a conscious effort to keep my social media content cup half full, who needs any unnecessary negativity? But a big part of me wanting to use the blogging platform as an outlet, requires me to be authentic.
This is not a list of tips and tricks to staying happy in quarantine, it just can’t be. Because, the reality? I’m having good and bad days. This is a bad one. I’m feeling trapped. Not because I’m stuck at home with my baby, but because I’m not allowed to show my baby the world. Everything that went along with my dreams of being a mother, and the kind of life I wanted to give my baby... I feel like it’s all being taken away from me. Bit by bit and I’m losing my ability to see the positive. I’m being held back in being the mother I want to be, and there isn’t enough in isolation to distract me from it. Trips cancelled and no sense of freedom in sight. It’s all getting to me lately, and today… it’s heavy. I know it’s okay. I know it will eventually pass. I know that this is unprecedented and I know the whole world is going through it too.
But, some days it doesn’t make it an easier pill to swallow. I find myself wanting to google search a home remedy, anything to make this situation better. Which I know is ridiculous. My mental health is taking a hit, and I find myself wanting to react in even unhealthier ways. I don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to go for a drive, and I don’t want to do another fucking puzzle. There are only so many things a walk on a nice day can cure. Eventually, when that is the only socially acceptable escape… the jig is up and that walk feels desperate. It doesn’t have the same effect it did week one. I want to be in a crowd, I want to travel, I want to sit in Starbucks with my Mom so long that we order twice, I want to be with people I love, I want to hug my grandmothers, I want to make plans. I want so badly to make plans. New plans, better plans, plans for how we can rearrange our former plans, plans for how I can still make my dreams as a mother come true.
Life gets busy, and I definitely do not always get to accomplish and adventure as much as I would like. I don’t get to explore as much or travel as often as I’d like. But I can make plans, or at the very least I can dream of the plans I’ll make. The uncertainty of the duration of this has taken that wandering mind of mine prisoner. It’s hard.
Today is a bad day. And that’s okay, as a new mother, a daydreamer, and a lover of all things life has to offer... self-isolating in a global pandemic is bound to have that effect on me. What’s happening is heavy and I’m entitled to a bad day here and there.
We all are, for whatever personal reasons makes this difficult. I absolutely know there are people having much worse days than me, for much more legitimate reasons. But I also know there are people having bad days for what some might say are lesser reasons, and that’s okay too. We all are entitled to a few bad days in processing what’s happening to our plans, whether they are big or small.
But... (and this is the most important part)… have good days too. Please have good days too. Find the joy in the day or in the moment, even if it’s fleeting. Get out in the garden, read a book, take the time to write letters to the people you love (I’m a self-professed letter lover). Find a way to practice mindfulness; turn your brain off for a moment. Snuggle your dog a little longer, kiss your baby in the part of their cheek that still smells like morning, close your eyes and breathe in your coffee before you take your first sip. Whatever you want. Just have good days, because more than anything... we are all entitled to that too right now.
