LETTER TO MY ANDIE
All of a sudden here I am, standing in the baking aisle of a Loblaws at ten o’clock at night crying over a tub of frosting. I’m actually going to get to bake you a cake, because your party isn’t until this weekend and a taste of cake is a must on your big day. I’ve never even made your sister a cake, so it’ll be one of those firsts that a second child rarely gets to be the one to have. And I kind of love that for you.
From the moment you were real, you’ve held onto to me extra tight. You consumed my body while I carried you, and even stayed inside a few extra days. You could never snuggle close enough; always tucked right up in my neck until both of our cheeks were sweaty. But still, you wouldn’t dare move away from me. You spent your first months naps on top of me, swaddled up in the crook of my arm as I lay back. I loved feeling the weight of you on me as you dreamt. You’ve nursed to sleep everyday of your life, never taking a bottle and always making sure I could never be too far away. From the day you found your voice, you’ve used it to holler at me every time I walk out of your view. You’ve kept me, and in so many ways it’s let me keep you too. A brilliantly disguised gift to my heart.
You are very sure of yourself. You know what you like… like scrambled eggs, watching birdies out the window, and any kind of water. You also make sure everyone knows what you don’t like… like your socks, or your seatbelt, or not yet being able to follow your sister around. It may make for a strong willed baby, but I know what it means for you as you grow and I wouldn’t have it any other way. If I’m being honest, it feels familiar.
I love everything about you Andie. I love that your left dimple is a pinch deeper than the one on your right. I love that your eyes stay looking sleepy well into breakfast. I love the way you glance at me whenever anyone else talks to you. I love the way your arm starts waving hello as soon as you hear your Daddy come home, before you even see him. I love how you’re always warm. I love the way you twist your toes around when you get excited. I love how you kiss with your mouth wide open. I love the smell of you, and the way your cheek feels against the tip of my nose.
Most of all.. I love that you let me carry you longer, nurse you longer, hold you longer, and have you as my little baby just a little while longer. I had no way of knowing it then, but you came into this world right when I needed you to. You’ve been a ray of light and a source of love that I’ll never be able to thank you enough for.
You’re the perfect addition to our family and this beautiful life we’re building together. I know your special day is a sign of time flying by, so I’ll end tonight like we always have, while we still can. I’ll nurse you, rock you a minute longer, hum you a love song, kiss that special spot on your cheek, tell you that you’re so sweet, and thank you… for being my littlest baby.
Happy first birthday, my darling Andie girl. Every bit of my heart loves you. Xo
