REAL DEAL GENDER REVEAL

I always feel like depending on the stage you’re at in life, there is this societal set of standard questions you get asked. When you’re in elementary school its “What’s your favourite subject?”. In high school, everyone asks where you’re going to university. Then it’s “What are you studying?”. Pretty superficial but as life goes on they tend to get more personal, particularly for women. “When is he going to propose?” was always a favourite (not). And I don’t know, why don’t you try asking him? Eventually it snowballs into “Do you want kids? When are you going to start trying? Are you pregnant? When are you going to start trying for a second?” Blah blah blah the pressure and the invasiveness is so off-putting. Especially when it comes from casual acquaintances who I’m certain the answer to any of those questions has no impact on their life and they don’t even really care about your response. It’s just the question you will get repeatedly asked at that particular point in your life.

For pregnant women, it’s usually “Do you know what you’re having?” and the utter shock on their face when I answer no is always entertaining. I love to watch them scramble for the next question. One thing that’s always surprised me, is how many people feel like I’m lying. Surely, I must know the gender of my baby, it’s 2021. But, like I have to keep repeating to my own father-in-law, we really don’t! We didn’t find out the gender of Lou and we aren’t finding out for this baby either. A choice which I subtly feel like is making a bit of a comeback in this era of gender reveals.

I think with Lou, Chris would have been happy to find out. And if I wanted to for this baby, I’m sure he would have gone along with it. He’s pretty impartial on the matter. For me, I am adamant. I give a big disclaimer to every ultrasound tech and anytime a new doctor looks over my medical record I am compelled to say “I don’t know if it says anything on my chart, but we aren’t finding out the gender of our baby.” I’m rarely drawn to traditional things, but there is something about not knowing that’s so charming and magical. I’m a fairly intuitive person and we live in an almost instant gratification world when it comes to information, so I'm rarely (if ever) genuinely surprised. And the best part is, no one can ruin the surprise for me! People have compared my due dates to Chinese calendars, analyzed my ultrasound pictures, even dangled a gold ring over my belly… I get different guesses every time and it doesn’t make a difference. Sure, tell me I’m carrying low and what that means. Ask me if this pregnancy is better, the same, or worse than the last one. Tell me about your cousin so-and-so having heartburn and then giving birth to a girl. You may even read too far into the picture on this post and see Lou licking the pink ice cream cone, but the truth is that thirty seconds before that photo was taken she was licking the blue one. Say whatever you want because the reality is your theories are based off nothing and no one knows what we’re having… not even me… seriously.

And when it comes to the “What do you want it to be?” questions… ew… don’t do that. As cheesy as it may sound at the time, healthy is really all any decent parent wants for their child. I grew up with sisters and they’re my best friends. My childhood best friend grew up with a brother and I’ve never seen two people closer. Both the same versus one of each; you can’t go wrong so why would it matter.

Ultimately our decision to keep the gender a surprise until the baby is born, is just from a genuine desire to maximize the anticipation and excitement. I just can’t fathom the thought of cutting into a pink or blue cake being remotely comparable to that moment in the delivery room. Now, that’s my opinion. There are tons of valid reasons expectant parents find out the gender of their baby and I applaud them all. For me personally, those reasons didn’t outweigh the high of that moment when you finally give your last push on your last contraction and hear the doctor say those words. A real deal gender reveal, it’s euphoric. It doesn’t matter what they say, you’ll collapse into a cry and celebrate and fall in love with the reality of this new little being in your life. Also, the woman gets all the attention (albeit positive and negative) leading up to baby. So I see it as sort of a gift from Mommy to Daddy, to let him be the one to tell everyone. I have a video of Chris speaking through tears to our families in the waiting room and saying “I have a daughter” and wow… heart melt. It’s a moment I was lucky to have experienced once, and will be lucky to get to experience a second time. As the trimesters go on I sway back and forth from what I think it will be, and that’s all part of the beauty of not knowing. In the end I don’t know who this baby is yet, and we won’t until that very last push.